she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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