It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
