you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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