if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
