Dual....:-)
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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