We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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