I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you would pick up someone in the library
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
