So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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