Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she woke up with a sticky ear
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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