i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
