What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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