Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
