Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
