if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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