It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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