there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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