Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize