Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
