I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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