Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
