She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
