Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
