I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
