im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.