He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
