Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
