Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
