I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
