Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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