I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
