were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
