the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
