It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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