What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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