She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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