If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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