she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
