we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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