put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
