I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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