Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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