Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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