no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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