So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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