I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
