I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
