these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
