i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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