thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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