I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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