so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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