she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
