are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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