over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
