I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
