dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
