Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
