i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
